Lo Scarafaggio

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I recently learned my first non-food Italian word, and it is already my favorite: Lo Scarafaggio, the cockroach. It’s even better than the Spanish: La Cucaracha. For some reason, it just sounds better in other languages. Don’t get me wrong, I hate cockroaches, but now when I attempt to smash an invading roach, it feels somewhat like an epic battle between me and the wily scarafaggio. When I am victorious, I proclaim operatically, “La morte allo scarafaggio!”

I think it would fun to open a snooty Italian restaurant with scarafaggio in the name. I can already imagine the rave reviews of the $37 cannelloni al forno con besciamella limone at Nessuni Scarafaggi, aka “No cockroaches”. Or maybe a cheap Mexican restaurant, Nacho Scarafaggio. Kids would love it.

Nacho Scarafaggio
My first published drawing, Señor Nacho Scarafaggio.

Microsoft .CRAP

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I wanted to install the SharpReader RSS Aggregator for Windows. Unfortunately, like many other Windows RSS readers out there, it requires .NET framework 1.1. You know, Microsoft’s takeoff on Java that combines the large footprint and installation hassles of a bulky VM [err, “CLR”] with their legendary security vulnerabilities. Let’s get this puppy installed!

Step 1: Go to Windows Update and try to install .NET framework.

This should be easy enough; Windows Update usually works okay. Oh wait, it failed with error code 80246005. WTF is error 80246005?!? How is it acceptable for modern software to print an error code like that with no explanation? Was there no room in the >1 GB Windows distribution for an error message? Clip-It will wipe the drool from your chin as it helps you try to change fonts in Word, and yet Microsoft still doesn’t have the technology to supply useful error messages.

Step 2: Try to install other critical updates. (Dependency problem?)

As expected, same error.

Step 3: Follow link to Windows Update installation history to try to get an explanation of error 80246005.

“Failed” link in status column pops up an empty window. Huh, let’s click it again. This time, I get boilerplate text that repeats the error code and contains generic links to the knowledge base and support, but provides no explanation or useful information. Couldn’t they at least decode the fields in the OLE error code for me?

Step 4: Search for error 80246005 in MS Knowledge base.

As usual, no documents found.

Step 5: Google for 80246005.

Also as usual, Google comes through with numerous relevant hits. Apparently, no problem is too common for Microsoft to ignore. Anyway, Ali’s Knowledge Base contains a simple workaround. I love you, Ali.

Step 6: Try to install .NET framework again.

After several minutes of grinding the hard drive like a rock tumbler, I have a shiny new .NET installation. Or at least I will after the beloved Windows restart.

Step 7: Install .NET framework 1.1 Service Pack 1.

Are you kidding? Why didn’t you just send me an updated version to begin with? Is your packaging technology really that cumbersome? Fine, go ahead and install it. And of course you want another restart…

Step 8: Security Update for Microsoft .NET Framework, Version 1.1 Service Pack 1 (KB886903)?

Unbelievable! Another install and restart to have a .NET installation that doesn’t “allow an attacker to compromise your Windows-based system running the Microsoft .NET Framework and gain access to restricted data”!

Step 9: Install SharpReader.

It works great, but was it worth it?

MJ Not Guilty

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Though I find the national fascination with this trial disgusting, I’m glad to hear that Michael Jackson was finally found not guilty on all counts. With that, the din of the media circus should soon fade into a scarcely noticed post-mortem hum, and the evil, opportunistic parents can resume sending their children over to sleep with him in anticipation of the next freakshow, payday trial.

Hufu

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Finally, there’s a solution for people that want to go vegetarian, but can’t give up sweet, tender human flesh! It’s called hufu, the healthy alternative to human flesh. Thanks, hufu!

Patent Act of 2005

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The Subcommittee on Courts, the Internet and Intellectual Property of the U.S. House Judiciary Committee is finally proposing a bill to improve our broken patent system. There’s a hearing today on H.R. 2795, the “Patent Act of 2005,” though there does not yet appear to be a public draft online. Maybe Lamar Smith is not entirely evil. Anyway, though the bill is roughly equivalent to sticking a few band-aids on a gushing head wound, it’s better than nothing.