Are Corporations Gay?

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We were discussing Texas Proposed Constitutional Amendment 2 (of 9) at lunch today.

“The constitutional amendment providing that marriage in this state consists only of the union of one man and one woman and prohibiting this state or a political subdivision of this state from creating or recognizing any legal status identical or similar to marriage.”

While obviously just a hateful, unnecessary, hypocritical attack on the rights of homosexuals, and merely a diversion away from the multitude of failures of our legislators to do anything beneficial this session, it does pose an interesting question: Are corporations gay?

Under United States law, a corporation is treated in many ways as a person, having many of the same constitutional rights as a human being. In the 1886 Supreme Court case of Santa Clara County v. Southern Pacific Railroad Company, Chief Justice Morrison R. Waite announced: “The court does not wish to hear argument on the question whether the provision in the Fourteenth Amendment to the Constitution, which forbids a State to deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws, applies to these corporations. We are all of the opinion that it does.”

Okay, so according to the Supreme Court, corporations are persons. It’s a well-known fact that a person has a gender, male or female, so this would imply that corporations have a gender. But which gender? Given that a lot of people have been fucked by corporations (just ask an Enron employee), I think it’s pretty safe to consider them male. Furthermore, I know a lot of people, men and women, that would say they’ve been totally fucked in the ass by a corporation, making corporations not only sodomitic, but also bisexual, and when it comes to men, gay. So there you have it: Corporations are gay. Q.E.D.

So, to corporations in support of this amendment, such as for the purpose of denying insurance coverage to domestic partners, I’ll just say that I hope you’re not planning any mergers…

To all other Texans, please go vote against this stupidity. Early voting is going on now, and the official vote is Nov. 8.

Jove Released!

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Yesterday saw the culmination of several years of hard work (and corporate arm twisting): Jove was finally released on SourceForge. This was the official announcement:

Newisys is pleased to announce the release of Jove: The Open Verification Environment for the Java (TM) Platform. Jove is a set of Java APIs and tools to enable Verilog hardware design verification of ASICs and FPGAs using the Java programming language. It contains components that accomplish the following:

  • Verilog simulator interaction (via PLI 2.0 aka VPI)
  • Standalone behavioral simulation (i.e. a discrete event simulator)
  • Thread and event synchronization
  • Design Verification abstractions (e.g. clock-relative signal access, mailboxes, semaphores)
  • Constraint-based randomization
  • Dynamic Verilog shell generation

Jove has been tested extensively with Synopsys VCS and to a lesser extent with the GPL version of cver by Pragmatic C Software.

Information regarding the state of the project as well as the motivations behind it is available in the FAQ.

Binary and source code distributions are available at http://jove.sf.net/.

Jove is licensed under the Open Software License 2.0.

Java is a registered trademark of Sun Microsystems, Inc. in the U.S. or other countries.

Jove

Hooray, Hooray, Down with DeLay!

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From a Yahoo news article:

“To any sheriff or peace officer of the state of Texas, greetings, you are hereby commanded to arrest Thomas Dale DeLay and keep him safely so that you have him before the 331st Judicial District Court of Travis County,” the warrant said.

DeLay has been charged with conspiracy and money laundering in a campaign finance scheme tied to his political action committee, Texans for a Republican Majority.

Real Dolls

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I guess it was only a matter of time before someone realized that if you can make fake breasts out of silicone, why not make a whole woman? I’ve heard about Real Dolls [NOT work-safe!] for a few years now, but didn’t know how insane things had gotten until someone pointed me to a recent Salon article about them. The five page article has so many choice quotes that I’m only going to bother with one:

“For the most part, it’s just like sex with an organic woman … who doesn’t say anything and is brimful of Quaaludes.”

Honestly, I’ve probably had worse sex than that with a real woman, but at least I didn’t have to clean her with a WaterPik and an Allen wrench afterward…

World Beard Championships

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Stefan Gölz

Unfortunately, I have learned just a few days too late of the World Beard and Moustache Championships that were held in Berlin on Saturday. The Gallery of Contestants and Champions is really quite impressive. London 2007 or bust!

One of my favorites from the last competition in 2003 is Stefan Gölz, pictured right, in the Partial beard, freestyle category. And then there is this handsome chap, who apparently defies description even among his bearded peers.

The page of Beard and Moustache Categories is truly a valuable grooming and taxonomic resource. Finally, an authoritative definition of the handlebar moustache!


Forget-Me-Not Panties

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Another miracle of modern technology: Forget-Me-Not Panties!

These panties will monitor the location of your daughter, wife or girlfriend 24 hours a day, and can even monitor their heart rate and body temperature. Based on pioneering research developed by the U.S. military at DARPA (Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency), we have brought this revolutionary technology, previously only available to the military, to you!

Woodworking at ACC

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A few people have asked me about the woodworking and construction classes I’m taking at Austin Community College. I think ACC has a great program, and I highly recommend it to anyone who thinks they might be interested. I myself procrastinated for a long time before signing up, just due to FUD about the process, cost, time commitment, prerequisite experience, etc. Those concerns all turned out to be groundless. The hardest part was the initial admissions bureaucracy. If you’ve already taken a class at ACC in the past, all you have to do is fax in a proof of residency form and call to have the advising bar cleared.

All of the classes I’ve taken have been from 5-10pm once a week fall/spring (16 wks) or twice a week in the summer (8 wks), cost $240 total (in-district), and are offered only at the Riverside campus. (Those are the hands-on woodworking and construction classes; there are also “classroom classes”, like OSHA regulations, etc., that meet more often for shorter periods, but only people seeking a certificate need to take those.) The teachers are all really friendly, patient, and knowledgeable. Registration and payment can be done online within 10 minutes.

I started with the cabinet making class, then advanced furniture construction, then woodworking special topics (basically shop time to work on whatever you want). I’ve also taken roof framing and interior finishing, which are more construction than woodworking. There is an introductory class that most classes list a prerequisite, but if you’re at all crafty or skilled with your hands, you should be able to skip it. Of course, if you want to start with a survey course, that class seems to cover a lot of things, and people seem to enjoy it.

Hurricane Rita

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With all this talk of Katrina and New Orleans, many have overlooked the awesome devastation that hurricane Rita unleashed on Houston. The damage I witnessed in one particular photo shared with me was just incredible — much too disturbing to display inline in this family-oriented blog. But in the interest of frank journalism:

I’ve been warned; show me.

[Again, I cannot claim credit for this photo. I am working to verify the identity of the photojournalist.]